Two Types of Stereotypers

Confronting stereotypes has been a recurring topic that I've talked about several times.

Well, besides the stereotypes themselves, what's often left out from the subject are the stereotypers, a.k.a the people, who in my opinion are more responsible for the stereotype they ascribe to, as they help aid in its perpetuation.

In my personal experiences I've encountered two types of stereotypers—the ones who are willfully insecure, and the ones who are actually or unintentionally ignorant.

When confronting stereotypes, I've mostly noticed these two reactions. The first example is the stereotyper who decides to box you into a character based off assumptions they've formed and/or accepted—these people are insecure. Another example, is the stereotyper who boxes you into a stereotype and may backtrack what they've said or assumed, or try to make attempts to fix error and is embarrassed—they are simply ignorant, likely due to limited interaction, or frequent and erroneous interactions with certain people. 

Nonetheless, both types of people are tiring to deal with however, and neither is more better than the other—there is no lesser evil. Stereotypes are dehumanizing. It goes without saying that having to combat them and explain your humanity to anyone is stressful, exhausting, and will likely negatively impact your future interactions with other people who exhibit the same attitudes. 

Still, it also exposes how and why these people choose to stereotype in the first place, and opens up another discussion about privilege. Because....privileged people usually can, ascribe to, and participate and perpetuate stereotypes, while also avoiding the consequences of its harm. In many cases, they are unaffected by stereotypes that would negatively harm them, compared to lesser privileged groups that are heavily impacted socially by how people view them. This doesn't negate that underprivileged groups can't share the same misconceptions about groups who equally have harmful stereotypes.

But when I say insecure, it sounds vague but it's pretty simple. I find that the people who easily believe and use stereotypes about certain groups tend to not only believe them, but hold them dear for reasons. Typically they'll have these stereotypes pre-loaded and ready to dispense on people they want to attack or put in place. These stereotypes are stacked like a deck of cards, and it's holder will play a card, always pulling out stereotype after another, in an attempt to 'read' you. One can only wonder why. Although these stereotypes are not specifically targeted at them, it contributes in reassuring their confidence. This is what I've come to conclude based on how I've witnessed these attitudes play into action towards me.

When someone's self-worth is dependent on the degradation of another via stereotypes they will use those stereotypes to prop themselves up. In the same instance, that person will be ineffective without that crutch. It's in this moment, their reaction is crucial because it certifies their insecurity. I have watched people become upset, angered, disappointed, and in disbelief, when I did not fit a preconceived notion they designated to me. It's troubling, disturbing, but mostly pathetic, that rather than correcting themselves, the response is doubt.

What's also telling is why they choose to expect certain characteristics from the people they're stereotyping. To be so comfortable throwing people into specified expectations, whether you think they're good stereotypes or not, is intolerant and unreasonable. Again, this exposes the temperament of the stereotyper. Why are they so set in their beliefs, particularly when it's not affecting them? OR does it?

Below are a few questions to help posit where this attitude may come from; the insecure stereotyper will say yes to at least one of these or all:

• Were you propped up to believe you were better than certain people in specificity? 
• Does your confidence spike when people meet your stereotypical expectations? 
• Do you feel threatened or vexed when someone doesn't fit your stereotypes?
• Do you rely on negative stereotypes to advance yourself over others?
• Do you feel discounted when stereotyped people empower themselves?

As for those who are (possibly) unintentionally ignorant, they too can fall into the insecure category, but since their reactions tend to vary from the first, it's not the same. I've met people who were truly embarrassed by the stereotypes they've labeled onto someone. Some become shocked and correct themselves accordingly. There are even folks that ignorantly base their assumptions via confirmation from another person—likely a member of that stereotyped group. In this instance the may resort to the attitude of the insecure stereotyper, because they feel their expectations hold more weight because it came from the horses mouth. In addition to that, they may have also based their assumptions on what they've seen. If someone is presented with a continuous observation, it wouldn't be surprising if they believed what they see to be true. But this is flawed because no one person(s) will ever represent a large demographic group—but it happens all the time.

Stereotypes are harmful—they misinform and justify mistreatment of people who have no control over their existence and presence of these stereotypes. This is also why it's counterproductive to blame people for stereotypes or deriding people for not defying them. It's a daily task for me to acknowledge my own perceptions at times and keep my mouth shut when I know I'm also misinformed. No one can say they have never assumed something about someone, but don't act like you didn't have the power to change your thinking. Ask yourself why are you stereotyping, and whether it matters to your humanity? In my experiences, a lot of stereotypes placed onto me have been reflective of what people see on TV. If your only perception of certain people is through television, and you expect people you meet to be the same way, give yourself a huge slap in the face for being a narrow-minded idiot. Although the power of American media can't be underestimated, those who drink the kool-aid instead of challenging what they see or hear are responsible for why these stereotypes continue to exist; not the stereotyped.

That Package: Motherhood, Society, and Resistance

Image courtesy: duron123

At twenty-three years of age, the thought of motherhood is so far in the back of my mind. I cannot recall a time in my childhood or adolescence, where I seriously thought of having a child when I grew older. Of course at those ages, no child would be certain of what direction their life would head in, but looking back, I could still say no; I was not crazy about being a mother.
 
During high school the fact became clearer. Teen pregnancy was rampant, and there were so many girls I knew and had class with, that got pregnant and never showed up to school again. I promised I would never get pregnant as a teen, or even into my early twenties — some wishful thinking.

Fast forward - here I am and the fact still remains: I'm not crazy about becoming a mother. It does make me wonder sometimes whether society, family, or my personality among other things, concluded this decision for me. Various phobia's and my self-worth are other factors that contribute to these feelings, but an unexpected package at my doorstep last week would reaffirm this for me, once again.

I woke up one morning last week and discovered a box at my door. It had my name on it and address. But I didn't order anything. I hadn't ordered anything in months. What also came as a surprise to me was what was written on the box. It read: Similac Strong Moms?! Umm...what? Never mind that a few weeks prior, I had an identity theft scare, in which my business email was hacked and someone had used my name and personal information to seek mortgage consulting, and even viewed Amazon gift cards. After extensively changing and securing all of my passwords, my stomach sank and figured that this someone used my information to order a package I did not want. Then I thought, why would I receive it? Wouldn't they order something that they would receive?

After calming down, checking bank accounts and realizing that no orders had been unknowingly made, I wondered whether the box was a sample delivery. I looked at the box again and examined it. Yes, indeed it was a free sample offer. But why? I was not a mother, nor an expectant one.

I quickly reminded myself that obviously women in my age group are becoming new mothers and perhaps Similac figured, why not send a free gift to a possible future customer (or mother). I was half-relieved (that no one ordered this on my account) and half-insulted (yup).

Insulted because, in today's society there are a lot of expectations of women. But women now have more options. A woman can live a carefree and independent life in ways that their foremother's could not. Motherhood is a choice. So why do I feel like I'm being suffocated with it? That package was just one in the long line of pregnancy encouragement and pressure I've experienced.

While some may say that women were created to reproduce, there's no obligation. For this reason, it scares me how some politicians want to do-away with the reproductive rights of women. Stripping women of rights that will reverse many achievements, can create a dramatic shift in how women deal with their sexual health choices, and society. As if we need anymore ways to step backwards. Imagine that after all these decades of improvements (albeit some unnatural) in women's health, for it to only be banned?

I should clarify that I was only bothered by the package because I knew it was sent to encourage me buy their product, as well as the hidden expectation that I may have a child. This may come across as over-dramatic or sensitive, but when society and especially your family, constantly question you on your reproductive choices, the topic of motherhood becomes very detestable.

The likelihood of me becoming a mother in the future is uncertain (maybe yes, maybe no). I will continue resisting and hope that any chance of me becoming a mother in the near future is not a result of compliance or fear, but one of MY choice.

In the meantime, I'll save that package for someone who may need it. Not me of course, ha.

I Support Obama on Gay Marriage

President Obama made headlines this week when he announced in an exclusive ABC interview with Robin Roberts, that "same-sex couples should be allowed to marry." Naturally, there's no way a sitting President's comments about gays, especially in the age of evolving social media, would go by undetected. Especially since gay marriage is a hot topic on political forums.

Obama's remarks has made him the first President in the history of the U.S., to clarify a stance on gay marriage. I was not quite shocked to hear of his approval. I feel that the new generations of Americans have become more progressive in their thinking and are not just tolerant, but accepting.

I support Obama's comments because it will take the country in the right direction. The direction of what this country stands for—land of the free. The old traditional values that several Americans want to return to or enforce, will disrupt the rhythm of moving forward. I do not believe there's something wrong with not believing in or supporting homosexuality, but what exactly are gays and lesbians doing to their non-supporters that makes them unable to see how their sexual preference doesn't affect them? I used to think it was an issue for me too, but it's not and never will be!

How society responded to homosexuality fifty years ago, is a vast difference from how many view it today. But even still, gay slurs are common insults, hate crimes towards homosexuals are not often prosecuted as hate crimes, and the revelation of 'coming out' is still an issue (when it shouldn't be).

I'm glad that my home state approved gay marriage last year. I would love to see everyone receive equal rights regardless of their race, gender, ethnicity, or sexuality. Any President that is vocal about these issues, is one that will take the country in the right direction.