"You hate women, you must be gay."
😒
For most of my twenties, I have constantly heard this snap back from women being used to attack misogynistic men. If a man has said some hateful or disparaging comments towards women, lest there be a bevy of retorts from women and men who will say that said guy is gay.
Never mind that calling these men gay is homophobic (yes it is), it also absolves responsibility from actual gay men who are indeed misogynistic as well. Misogyny from men ≠ gay. And yes, even women are and can be very misogynistic.
It's quite bemusing how many people have consistently chosen to change someones sexual identity to suit their own homophobia, instead of tackling the misogyny that resulted their comments. You are adding to homophobia when you do this because you're further stigmatizing an already oppressed group.
Alongside tackling homophobia and the violent and physical effects that comes with it, language and terms are a major issue and contributes to the stigmatizing. Many people are already familiar with the slurs, like the F-word or the use of "homo" or "gay" as a pejorative. The use of the word "gay" to attack straight men who have negative preferential or critiques when it comes to women is passed its expiration date.
It's unnerving when a lot of straight women constantly refer to men who trash women as gay, cause guess what? He's usually NOT gay, but straight. There are gay men who hate women, and through my own experiences, their hatred for women tends to manifest very differently.
Misogynists date, marry, and befriend women everyday. How often are people ever prepping to say to a guy "You hate women, must be straight?" Rarely if ever and a lot of times, that is the case. If men who hate women are gay, then men who like men hate women too?
No one should ignore some of the problematic and misogynistic views gay men have about women in general, but a lot of women need to take accountability of their role in homophobia.
It's one that I think gets passed over.
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